Nostalgia

Tanganku yang tadinya lincah melukis, kini mendadak berhenti karena seorang telah berhasil menyentuh pundakku dengan lembut. Aku pun menoleh ke arahnya, dan ia tersenyum kepadaku. Mata onyx-nya yang menurutku indah kalau dipandang itu memandang wajahku lekat-lekat. Pemuda itu adalah teman sejurusanku di London University dulu, dan sekarang ia telah bekerja sebagai seniman terkenal di seluruh dunia.

Dan sedangkan aku, bukanlah seniman terkenal sepertinya tetapi aku adalah seniman jalanan. Demi menarik perhatian orang-orang-aku membuat sebuah stand dekat rumahku untuk melukis dan memajang semua karyaku. Robbert Joshua namanya. Ia menyodorkan sekaleng minuman isotonik kepadaku, dan aku pun menerimanya dengan mengucapkan terima kasih kepadanya.

“Dari mana kau mendapatkan inspirasi? Lukisan ini indah sekali!” Wajahku seketika merah padam seperti kepiting rebus karena ia memuji lukisanku. Ia sedikit tertawa melihat wajahku yang sudah tak tahan. Aku mengembungkan kedua pipiku.
“Kau menertawaiku? Dasar bodoh! Apanya yang lucu Robb?” Tanyaku sambil melanjutkan aktivitasku yang tadi tertunda. Aku iseng saja memoleskan warna soft pink pada bunga lily yang seharusnya berwarna kuning oranye untuk menutupi wajahku yang sudah malu.
“Soft pink? Bukannya itu warna yang paling kau benci Liona? Kau pernah bilang bahwa jika ada warna bodoh itu di lukisanmu kau tak segan-segan untuk mematahkan kayu kanvasnya. Tetapi sekarang kau lebih menyukai warna–” Aku cepat memotong pembicaraannya.
“Secara tak sadar, aku menyadari betapa miripnya aku dengan warna ini. Hm, iya memang aku membenci warna ini sangat benci malahan. Soft pink warna pucat yang bodoh, jelek, dan juga bisa merusak lukisanku, aku sama dengan nasib warna itu. Aku bodoh, jelek dan juga bisa merusak hubungan orang. Hahaha! Diriku memang seharusnya tak menjadi pelukis” Jelasku.

Robbert pun mulai bingung dan sedikit meneguk sisa minuman isotonik itu dengan habis lalu membuang kalengnya di tempat sampah dekatnya.
“Kau tidak bodoh, kau cantik. Dan apa maksudmu merusak hubungan orang?” Tanya Robbert dan kembali memandangku.
“Kau ingat? Saat lukisanku yang ingin ku pamerkan di International Painting Competition sewaktu kita kuliah? Lukisan itu dipatahkan oleh kekasihmu. Waktu itu aku menangis hebat dan kau memarahi kekasihmu demi aku, akhirnya kau dan kekasihmu hampir putus karena aku. Apa itu tak merusak hubungan orang?” Aku semakin terpuruk. Aku menunduk dan menahan air mataku agar tak jatuh sedikitpun. Robbert menatapku dengan tatapan sayunya.
‘Dengarkan saat aku bicara dengan nada samar. Aku tidak akan memaksakan diri untuk menjadi kuat, tapi aku tidak akan menangis seperti itu lagi.’

Tiba-tiba handphone Robbert baru saja berbunyi. Itu menandakan seorang meneleponnya. Ia menatap layar handphone-nya itu dengan kesal lalu ia mematikan dengan memencet tombol reject yang ada di layar itu.
“Kenapa kau matikan? Itu pacarmu kan, jangan segan-segan mengangkat telepon pacarmu di depanku. Aku itu temanmu Robbert” Ucapku sedikit sungkan. Dan benar saja handphone milik Robbert kembali berbunyi dan kali ini Robbert mengangkatnya.
“Hello?” Dia berbicara sedikit datar.
“What the hell! Yesterday you had asked me to meet my mother. And now again? Can you delay it? Now I must meet my friend she needs me more than you! You can visit my mother at her office alone!” Wajahnya mendadak berubah, lalu ia keras memencet tombol trun off the call di layar handphone itu.
“Tak baik Robbert, aku tak membutuhkanmu kok. Kau bisa menemuiku nanti” Aku berusaha tersenyum kepadanya. Lalu ia mengusap lembut kepalaku dan meninggalkanku. Dadaku sesak, semakin lama semakin sesak. Kepalaku panas mendengar pembicaraannya tadi. Itu pasti dari pacarnya atau mungkin tunangannya.

Menyakiti ku secara bertahap.

Aku mendapat kabar bahwa hari ini, Robbert akan menuju Tokyo untuk tinggal menetap di sana. Aku berlari secepat mungkin menuju Heathrow Airport yang tak jauh dari kediamanku. Aku pastikan pesawat yang dipakai Robbert belum lepas landas. Aku berhenti di apron bandara untuk beristirahat sejenak. Napasku tersengal. Lalu ku lihat sebuah sepatu besar tepat di hadapanku. Ah! Itu kaki manusia. Ku pandang kaki itu sampai ke ujung rambutnya.
“Robbert?” Ku dekati dirinya. Wangi parfum khasnya tercium begitu menyengat.
“Maafkan aku, aku baru mengabari hal ini tadi. Oh iya, sekarang aku akan flight menuju Tokyo. Aku akan diam di sana dan menikah bersama kekasihku. Maaf, ini mendadak sekali”

Mendengarkan penjelasan Robbert kali ini aku benar-benar ingin menonjoknya tetapi aku tak bisa. Mataku membulat sempurna, kelopak mataku panas dan cairan bening itu ke luar tanpa ku panggil. Ia memelukku dengan hangat. Mungkin ini perpisahan yang paling ku benci. Aku membenci ini lebih dari membenci warna soft pink.

“Jaga dirimu, Robbert! Kirimlah pesan email setiap minggu padaku. Dan aku tunggu kabar keluarga kecilmu nanti! Kirimi fotonya lewat pos ya!” Aku menyeka air mataku, aku tahu bahwa diriku hanya pura-pura tegar di hadapannya. Ku lepaskan pelukan itu dengan lembut lalu tersenyum padanya.
“Oke! Waktunya aku pergi Liona! Thank you for everything, i’m sorry I can’t reply it. You’re my special comrade. I Love you as my best friend. Bye!” Ku lihat punggunggnya memasuki pintu untuk check in, ku hela napas berat. Air mataku yang baru saja mengering kini kembali ke luar lagi. Ku langkahkan kakiku untuk pulang. Langit mendung menjadi saksi bahwa hari ini hari yang paling menyakitkan. Selang lima menit kemudian hujan datang dengan lebatnya membuatku menutup telinga. Aku tak peduli, ku biarkan hujan menemaniku. Bahkan bunyi hujan membuatku takut, kita bagaikan bagian dari payung.

Memoriku yang masih kuat mendorongku untuk mengingat perkataan seorang Robbert pada saat kami lulus dari London University. Wajahku yang basah terlihat menyedihkan, orang-orang yang berlalu lalang menggunakan payung dan mantel melihatku iba.

—

“Ah, hujan!” Ku peluk Robbert dengan ketakutan saat itu. Kami tak membawa payung ataupun mantel. Cukup dengan jaket tebal Robbert aku berlindung. Entah aku takut hujan dari dulu.
“Tenanglah, aku di sini! Siap ada untukmu kapanpun!” Ucapnya menenangkanku. Jaket musim dinginnya yang tebal serta panjang membuatku cukup hangat. Kami mencari tempat teduh untuk sementara waktu.
“Dingin sekali!” Ku usap-usapkan kedua telapakku di jaket Robbert. Lalu tanpa kusuruh Robbert memelukku dengan erat agar aku terasa hangat.
“Thank you” Aku menggelamkan kepalaku di dada bidangnya memejamkan mata yang sudah lelah ini.

Ku harap kau ingat dengan semua itu. Sebenarnya hatiku menolakmu saat kau pergi. Aku tak ingin sendirian di bumi ini tanpamu. Entah sekarang aku merasa aku membencimu –sangat benci– Putus asa, itu adalah target di luar kepalaku. Tubuhku goyah saat mendengar kalau kau ingin menikah dengan gadis lain selainku. Mungkin aku terlalu banyak berharap. Tetapi, itu sebenarnya ingin ku wujudkan. Dan kini semua hanya kenangan indah yang bisa membuatku berhalusinasi.
Kenangan, ingatan tentangmu bersinar tanpa dosa.

—

“Ah maaf atas kejadian tadi! Kau tak apa?” Tanya Robbert saat aku menangisi sebuah puing-puing kanvasku yang sudah mungkin tak memiliki seni. Ini semua gara-gara pacar Robbert itu. Aku tak menyukainya!
“Robbert! Cepat putuskan hubunganmu dengannya! Aku tak kuat, dia membuatku gagal mengikuti kompetisi itu, masa depanku. Dia meremehkanku. Aku benci ini!!” Ku keluarkan semua unek-unekku yang dari tadi terpendam di hati. Aku marah pada Robbert.
“Apa maksudmu?! Aku tak bisa Liona, kau tak berhak untuk mencampuri urusan itu. Aku mencintai Clara –gadis yang menjadi pacar Robbert– Untuk kompetisi itu kau bisa menggambar ulang! Aku tahu ini sakit bagimu, tetapi Clara adalah kekasihku” Robbert membuang muka kepadaku. Ia berlari meninggalkanku. Cairan bening yang paling aku tak suka datang menghiasi pipi lembutku.

—

“CUKUP!!! Aku tak mau mengingat itu lagi! Tuhan Jangan buat raga ini ikut bersama masa lalu lagi aku muak!! Aku ingin menghapusnya, aku ingin bumi menelan ingatan itu dan membawa jauh-jauh dari otakku! Tuhan tolong aku!”
Hei, jangan berkata apapun lagi, air mata ini jatuh di tanganku yang gemetar.

Pohon cemara pagi menitikkan embunnya ke hidungku. Aku tak bisa melupakannya, mungkin doaku kemarin tak cukup. Apa aku harus menyembah diriku sendiri agar bisa lupa dengannya? Aku juga tak tahu. Ku putarkan music list di handphone-ku dan ku pasang earphone di kedua telingaku. Aku mulai memejamkan mata, meresapi semua lagu-lagu itu. Tiba-tiba perasaan ini muncul lagi, perasaanku padanya dan menginginkan hidup seperti dulu lagi.
Ku pikir bisa melupakanmu, ku ingin keakraban kita seperti dulu.

Satu tetes.

Dua tetes.

Dan yang terakhir. Aku menangis lagi! Mataku telah bengkak hanya gara-gara menangis. Aku tak mengerti, mengapa aku menangisinya yang akan berbahagia dengan orang yang ia pilih. Mengapa aku yang terbebani? Ah, aku mengingatnya lagi, seperti kucing yang mengorek-ngorek makanan bekas manusia di timbunan sampah. Ku tak bisa percaya, alasan kenapa air mata ini mengalir. Satu hal yang hanya ingin ku ungkapkan dari dulu, dan sampai sekarang masih ku pendam dan ku kubur dalam-dalam. Aku sadar bahwa aku mencintainya, sangat mencintainya. Aku ingin ia bersamaku di hari kedepan. Kan ku simpan perasaan yang sebenarnya ini di dalam hati, sebelum kita menghilang esok
Aku sangat lelah dengan semua ini. Lebih baik ku pejamkan mata ini dan memeluk bantal kesayanganku.

Di alam bawah sadarku, aku sedang pergi ke Tokyo ikut bersama Robbert. Aku menikah dengannya menggunakan Kimono putih khas jepang. Aku mencium kening lebarnya dan mengucapkan janji-janji suci di hadapan pendeta. Air mata kini jatuh tetapi ini adalah air mata keharuan. Aku sudah resmi menjadi istrinya. Tetapi, setelah prosesi itu selesai terlihat sebuah cahanya melintas melewati mataku. Oh tidak, itu bukan cahaya. Itu adalah sebuah katana yang menghampiri Robbert dan menusuk dada bagian kirinya. Aku menutup mulutku seakan tak percaya. Lalu ku peluk Robbert yang sudah tak bernyawa dan memanggil namanya dengan kesedihan.

Peluh dinginku ke luar, mataku semakin mengeram. Gerah dan panas, itu seakan menjadi satu. Aku tidur dalam keadaan tak tenang. Ku buka mata lelahku dan menyadari apa yang baru saja terjadi. Entah itu mimpi atau halusinasi. Lalu ku teguk habis air mineral yang ada di meja samping dekat tempat tidurku. Hal ini membuat hatiku semakin sakit.
Hatiku terguncang dan semua yang ku butuhkan hanya cinta biasa. Ilusi yang mengelilingiku bagai seorang anak yang menghilang ke langit

Satu Bulan Kemudian.

Salju turun dengan langkah pelan. Ku buka sedikit jendela kamarku agar aku bisa melihat beberapa anak berbain bola salju. Ah! Aku jadi mengingat masa-masa childhood-ku yang sangat menyenangkan, bersama Ibu dan Ayah. Aku tersenyum lembut mengingat semua itu.
Sudah satu bulan aku berdiri tanpa seorang Robbert yang selalu mensupport-ku dalam keadaan apapun. Tak terasa, waktu telah berjalan cepat. Tetapi aku tetap tak bisa melupakannya. Dia adalah darahku, denyut nadiku bahkan nyawaku. Dia yang sudah memberiku segalanya. Surat yang ia janjikan bahkan email ia tak pernah kirimkan.

“Kali ini kau mengingkari janjimu, Robbert! Sudah seharusnya aku membencimu. Nanti kalau kau berkunjung ke London tak segan-segan aku akan membunuhmu dengan sadis! Kisah kita akan ku tutup sampai di sini. Namun Tak bisa. Aku memang bodoh! Cih..” Ku lihat kembali dunia luar yang dipenuhi oleh salju, bahkan hati ini juga ikut merasa dingin. Aku menunduk, aku bersedih lagi. Aku ingin menangis tetapi tak bisa, air mataku sudah habis karena ulah Robbert. Mungkin besok aku akan menangis darah kalau mendengarnya mati. Ku tak bisa menghentikan jarum jam yang bergerak dengan dinginnya. Benang cinta, menghilangkan bentuk keraguanku, serta membuatku sedih.

Ku tutup kembali jendela itu. Ku langkahkan kakiku untuk menuju cermin yang biasa ku gunakan untuk bercermin. Ku lihat diriku yang menyedihkan berdiri berkaca di sana. Lalu ku ambil sisir dan langsung menyisir rambut blonde panjangku, merapikannya sedikit. Ku poleskan blush on tipis ke daerah pipiku dan tak lupa ku gunakan lip gloss agar wajah sedihku tertutupkan. Ku sambar jaket hitam panjangku yang sudah siap tergantung di hanger dan ku pakai itu dengan cepat. Sepatu boots cokelatku sudah siap untuk ku pakai dan sepasang slop tangan tebal berwarna merah.

Ku buka pintu itu dengan pelan. Dan ku lihat dunia luar yang begitu menyenangkan, anak-anak berlari ke sana ke sini di hadapanku membuatku menyunggingkan senyum manisku.
“Be carefull, so you don’t fall!” Pesanku anak perempuan yang sedang mengejar seorang anak laki-laki di depannya. Ia pun mengacungkan jempol padaku.
“Aha, thank you a lot miss” Ia tetap mengejar anak laki-laki itu, sampai benar-benar ia dapatkan.

Di tengah salju, ku rasakan dingin yang menusuk tulang rusukku. Aku menyenderkan badanku di kursi panjang dekat aku sering berbagi inspirasi dengan Robbert. Itu hal yang kini tinggal kenangan, aku telah lepas contact dengannya. Tetapi, seiring jalannya waktu juga aku akan berusaha melupakannya dan berpikir kedepan.

“Kyaaaa!!! Hey, stupid kid! Give back my pencil. Because of you I can’t drawing now! Huaaaa!” Aku melihat anak perempuan itu menangis karena seorang anak laki-laki yang merebut pensilnya. Lalu, anak laki-laki itu menggembalikkan pensilnya dan memandang iba ke arah anak perempuan itu.
“Fo*l!! Huaaa Stay away from me!” Anak perempuan itu menjerit dan memukul kaki mungil anak laki-laki itu. Tetapi, anak laki-laki itu memeluknya dan menenangkan anak perempuan itu.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry, angel. Hm, i like you so much! And I can’t let you go from me!” Rangkulannya lebih kuat dari sebelumnya. Anak laki-laki itu mencium kening anak perempuan itu. Ah, itu membuatku ingin lebih belajar dari mereka. Aku ingin move on, walau cinta yang belum sempat ku nyatakan dan lepaskan. Aku ingin menemukan seorang yang bisa mengisi hatiku selain Robbert Joshua. Itu juga membutuhkan waktu panjang. Mungkin sampai aku berhenti bernapas.

Kan ku lampaui cinta, membuang kesedihan, dan menemukan diriku yang baru. Ku tak bisa melihatmu lagi di masa depan yang indah, yang kelak kan datang,
Kan ku simpan perasaan yang sebenarnya ini di dalam hati, hingga ku temukan hari esok yang cerah.

“Thank you for the food, uncle. Bye” Aku meninggalkan kedai itu dan mendorong koper bawaanku. Aku akan pergi dari Negara yang penuh kenangan ini bersama Robbert. Dan sekarang aku akan pulang ke tanah kelahiranku. Indonesia. Setelah 10 tahun aku menjalani pendidikan dan profesiku menjadi seniman jalanan.
“London, ini adalah terakhir kali aku akan berdiri di London Brigde mewah ini. Tempatku dan Robbert pertama bertemu. Thank you, London you bring me anything here. If there are more time, I’ll back here again for spend my holiday. Maybe with my husband and my children Hahaha, bye!” Ku tinggalkan tempat itu dan menuju Airport sekarang. Akan ku lupakan sosokmu dan melangkah menjalani hidup baru. Tanpamu. Walau besok dan seterusnya tak akan ada dirimu lagi. Robbert.

Kan ku lampaui cinta, membuang kesedihan, dan menemukan diriku yang baru. Ku tak bisa melihatmu lagi di masa depan yang indah, yang kelak kan datang.
Kan ku simpan perasaan yang sebenarnya ini di dalam hati, hingga ku temukan hari esok yang cerah.

Aku menggenggam koperku, menunggu waktunya untuk pesawat untuk lepas landas. Aku duduk di sebelah pemuda tampan. Aku terkejut saat ia menyodorkan sebuah permen kepadaku.
“Sepertinya, kau tak membawa sedikit makanan. Nih, ambillah! Untuk mengurangi tekanan telingamu saat pesawat ada di atas. Jangan takut!” Aku pun menerimanya. Dia menanyakan lagi tentangku, namaku, pekerjaanku, rumahku. Dan ah, tak bisa ku jelaskan sekarang.
“Mulai sekarang kita teman! Dan kebetulan, aku salah satu pecinta seni dan membuka sebuah museum internasional. Aku harap kau memamerkan karyamu di museumku” Aku tersenyum dan tak percaya apa yang barusan ku dengar.
Aku senang, dan menerima kartu namanya. Mulai detik ini, aku akan berusaha menghapus jejakmu yang masih di hatiku. Tetapi, kau tetap menjadi yang pertama. Robbert Joshua. Terima kasih untuk segalanya!

Hontou no kimochi wa mune ni shimau Futari no asu ga kieru mae ni
Kan ku simpan perasaan yang sebenarnya ini di dalam hati, sebelum kita menghilang esok.

Owari.

An Orange Twilight

Flo kept running and running while she was crying.
She finally could run away from the hospital with infuse needle stick on her back hand. There was nothing on her mind except her best friend, Izi.
At a tea garden, that boy had been waiting so long. He united his hands to a fist and put it in front of his mouth. He looked at his watch on his left hand.
“I think she won’t come. I’m sorry pal, this is what I have to do.” and finally he surrendered and began to walk.
Meanwhile, Flo was still running. Her face was so pale. She slow down her steps when she saw her best friend lost from her sight.
“Izi!” Flo screamed as loud as she could. Izi looked back, then he smiled.
Flo ran again with the tears in her cheek. While Izi was just quiet, waiting for her best friend come.
“Izi, you are wicked!” Flo directly embraced her best friend. She was crying and crying. And Izi just smiled again.
“I thought you would never come.” Izi said.
“You are stupid! Why did you go away without telling me?” Flo lowered her voice.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you sad. I expressly entrusted message to Aretha to tell you when I already left. Moreover, you were still staying at the hospital. I’m so sorry.”
Flo let off her embrace, “Exactly, that what made me more sad, you know?! Why did you have to go?”
“Yeah, Flo. I have to go, I know, I don’t want to go too. But this is my opportunity to go to Japan. Be calm, I will be back, trust me!” Izi tried to make his best friend calm.
“I know. Just go..”
Izi wiped Flo’s tears, “Flo, I promise, I will be back ten years later. Oh, as my best friend. I want you to keep this. Keep this camera, you can use it as long as I stay in Japan. Save more photos, after I back here.. I will dun. Deal?”
Flo startled, then she took the camera.
“So keep this camera. Don’t make any damage on it. ^_^ ”
They were silent for a while.
“Ok, I have to go now. The airplane will take off. Oh ya, one more thing.” Izi walked a little to the under of tea rows, then looked out upon Flo.
“Just for a memory, why don’t you take my picture? Come on!”
Flo saw the twilight became orange, she turned on the camera and started to take Izi’s picture with the perfect background.
“Ok, save it! I have to leave now, sayonara Flo!”
“…”
She smiled, “Sayonara, Izi.”

The End

The Painter’s Masterpiece

It was apparent to be a pleasure for Amir, a twenty-one-year-old young man to earn money from his paintings. Last week, one of his paintings had been bought by a rich businessman, and the generous businessman gave twenty million rupiahs for the beautiful painting.
Amir never had twenty million rupiahs in his life. He lived in a poor neighborhood with his mom. He quitted school when he was 15 years old because of poverty. He had to work in a fertilizer store since then. The fertilizer store had been closed a year ago, and Amir lost his job and started to develop his talent through painting.

One day, when Amir was painting on a canvas in his tiny bedroom, his mom got in. “Amir, what are you doing, child?” asked his old mom, with a heavy cough in her voice. “I’m painting, Mom. Look, it’s a wonderful land I dreamt last night. It seems very perfect, doesn’t it? Posh castle on cloud, colorful flowers and trees around it, and…”, before Amir could finish his word, his Mom cut, “Yes, I see. It’s a land in your imagination. I never find your painting about imaginary things, Amir. You often paint flowers, trees, mountains, and many things about nature, or pretty women. But now you amaze me by creating a new masterpiece. Good boy,” said his Mom with a smile.

“Listen, Mom. This is a land of our own, a place where we owe no more. A perfect heaven without poverty,” explained Amir. “Amir, despite poverty, debts, I feel happy to be your mom. I have you in my life and that’s what makes me enjoy this living,” replied his mom.

Amir kept painting his “imaginary land” with his imagination flying around his mind. He imagined he and his mom lived in the beautiful adorable castle just like he was painting. Then, Amir’s mom came in the room with holding money with her hand. “Is it finished?” she asked. “Not yet,” answered the son. “Amir, would you mind helping me?” his mom asked again, “please buy milkfish in the market.” “Sure,” said Amir, standing up. His mom handed him the money and he went to the market.

When Amir was walking in the traditional market, people talked about him. Everyone was praising and admiring. “Hey, how are you, Mr. Great Painter!” yelled Amir’s best friend, Rinto, a meatball seller. “What was that were you calling me with?” asked Amir laughing.
“Amir, you must be wealthy now,” commented a woman, “I heard you got 20 million from your painting!”
“You are quite remarkable, Young Man,” said a meat seller.
Amir smiled to those people delighted,” Thank you, folks. But I’m not rich at all. I’m still a dirty boy who likes playing football in mud just like when I was little.”

On the way home, something terrible happened. A taxi hit Amir’s motorcycle and he fell from it with a painful sore. Exactly, he broke his two hands. People in the road brought him to the nearby hospital immediately. Amir was incautious. His mom came to the hospital, crying heavily. The taxi driver ran way just after the car hit Amir, and he never showed up. When Amir turned to be cautious again, his mom embraced him. While crying, she said, “Amir, I don’t have any money to pay this hospital. Your twenty-million-money will be for this.” Amir burst into tears without a single word. Amir’s friend, Rinto, was standing beside Amir’s mom and said, “Face this with patience and strength, Amir. God is always with you.”

Soon Amir looked around his body with astonishment and asked, “Where are my hands?” “They have been broken and they have been amputated,” explained the doctor. Amir stared at his mom and his tears flowed as if it could not be stopped. “I’m sorry, Mr. Amir Ridwansyah, but this is the only thing we can help.” “What!!!”, shouted Amir like a mad man. “How can I go through my life with this? I can’t paint anymore! I can’t give money to my mom! What will my life be?!!!”
The doctor went out the room, leaving Amir’s mom and Rinto to calm Amir’s grief down. Amir’s mom hugged him, “You can, Amir. Oh, yes you can. I will work hard. I will work in mister mayor’s house as a housekeeper. And you can still create masterpieces with your feet.” “But I can’t paint with feet…” cried Amir. “You can if you try,” Rinto added.

The dramatic crying went for 3 hours. Amir could not change his feeling. The bright sun turned to be dark cloud full of thunder for him. Amir stayed for 3 days in the hospital, and when he came back to his house, everything seemed getting worse. “Look at that! Amir the painter without hands! Hahaha…” shouted children who were playing football. “Oh, can you see him? He lost his hands.. And guess what he will do… he won’t paint anymore!!!” yelled gentlemen who were playing chess with huge nasty laugh.

Amir and his mom walked home; full of sorrow. Amir felt depressed, and he cried and grumbled again at home. “I don’t know what to do with my life,” said Amir sadly. ”Ending up life seems far much better.” “No you can’t say that. Try to paint with your feet,” replied his mom.

His mom took him to his painting room, passed him a painting brush. “Hold it with your feet and start painting,” said his mom. “I don’t have any idea,” replied Amir shortly. “Yes, you do. I know you very well, Amir, and you always have ideas,” said his mom wisely. “There are always ideas dancing around your head.” “I’m thinking about chickens… Chickens those are playing in the ditch every morning, “Amir explained. “Now, put your imagination on the canvas, Amir,” said his mom softly. “It’ll be a great masterpiece.”

Amir started painting with his right foot. It was difficult at the beginning, but turned to be easier as he did it with heart and desire. Amir put the color perfectly: bright red for the chicken’s head, yellow and brown for the fur. After finishing the first painting, he painted schoolboys playing football in the rain, just like he used to do when he was little. Someone knocked the door’,”Assalamualaikum.” It was Rinto. He went inside Amir’s room. “Hey, still creating admirable paintings?” asked Rinto. “Nope, just waiting until they’re dry,” answered Amir. “How about your business, anyway?” “What? Meatball do you mean? You call it business?” Rinto got confused, “It’s going well.” Rinto looked at Amir’s painting carefully, and said, “What about selling them to the market?” Amir frowned. ”Do you think anyone will be pleased to buy any of my painting?” Rinto looked at Amir’s eyes deeply. “Your paintings look great, Amir. Trust me,” Rinto tried to convince him.
“Come on. Stand up. Let’s go selling these to the market!” cheered Rinto. “What are you waiting for?!”

The two friends went to the market to sell the paintings. Everything had not changed. Everyone was underestimating Amir, saying mocking words to him. “What’s that? A painting of ugly chickens? Hahaha!” mocked a store owner. Amir was going to get angry, but Rinto calmed him down by saying, “Don’t listen to them. Let’s go downtown. I know there will be people who appreciate your magnificent oil painting.” “What?!” Amir didn’t believe Rinto’s word. “You mean by knocking door to door?” “Of course not,” answered Rinto. “I’ll show you.”

They soon went downtown, walked to a posh neighborhood, shouting, “Painting! Painting! Beautiful painting to attach on your wall! Low price, high quality!” Everyone looked at them with curiosity in their faces. It seemed weird to have two young men selling paintings in the neighborhood.

Suddenly a security officer came nearer to them. “What are you doing in here?!,” shouted the officer fiercely. “We’re selling paintings,” Amir answered innocently. “Do you take any interest in my paintings?” The officer showed his anger, “Now, go away from here right away. This place is not for selling anything!”
Rinto and Amir ran away immediately, going home quickly with disappointed feeling.

“Rinto, what a miserable thing!” cried Amir. “No, Amir. It’s just the beginning. Never give up, Amir,” said Rinto. “You’re always saying that, Rinto,” Amir began to be unpleasant, “Yes, it’s like piece of cake saying that, but would you keep struggling for your ruined life after losing your hands?!” “Amir, what happens to you?!” Rinto replied angrily. “Every life is worth of living! Don’t you realize that?! You still have chances to reach your goals! You can be success!” “You can say that because you never experience such miserable disaster like I do. I have left my goals. All I wanna do is sobbing and regretting my life. I’m gonna end up my life!” Amir could not prevent tears flowing on his cheeks. Rinto shook his head, “I can’t comprehend you. It depends on you! It’s your life and not mine!!! Go… ending your life, stop dreaming, and be a looser!” “Yes, Rinto, you’re right. And start from right now, I don’t want to know you anymore. Leave me, Rinto! Leave me facing this hell alone!” Amir failed to control his emotion and ran away, leaving his best buddy. “Amir, do you forget memory of our childhood when you tell me your goals to be a famous painter?!” yelled Rinto from distance. Amir ignored Rinto, and kept walking.

It was raining when Amir arrived home. “Amir, where are your paintings?” asked his mom suddenly. “They must be sold out.” Amir stunned, thinking hard. “Aargh, no,” he said,” I left it. Aargh, Rinto. B*st*rd! What a sh*t Rinto!”

Amir’s mom was surprised hearing such bad words, “Amir, what’s wrong with you, child?” Amir didn’t answer and got into his room. Amir had just realized he left his paintings on Rinto, because Rinto was carrying the paintings all day long. Five months later, Amir was still depressed.

On a Sunday night, a man knocked the door. “Excuse me,” said a 40-year-old man in a low voice, “Is it Mr. Amir Ridwansyah’s house?” “Oh, yes. It’s me,” smiled Amir, “Please, come in.” Amir’s mom made two cups of tea for Amir and his guest. The guest was Mr. Gambir Hartoto, a rich and famous painter. “Well, I saw two paintings. Two great paintings which really touch my deepest heart,” said Mr. Gambir. “Would you like seeing them?” offered Mr. Gambir. Amir nodded, “With pleasure.” Then Mr. Gambir opened a big plastic bag he was bringing. Amir was shocked. He got stunned. There was no word could be said by him. “I’m going to give 30 million for this,” Mr. Gambir said. Mr. Gambir was holding a painting of chickens being fed by an old woman; a painting made by Amir.

Mr. Gambir showed the second painting: a painting of schoolboys playing soccer in the rain; also painted by Amir. “And so for this one,” said Mr. Gambir briefly. Amir could not keep his eyes dry from pleasure tears; a sign of happiness after going through huge storm of life.

After a moment, Amir could speak again. “Sir, would you tell me how you could get these paintings?” asked Amir politely. It wasn’t an accident. When Rinto was selling meatball in a posh neighborhood, he met Mr. Gambir who ordered a bowl of meatball. They had a long conversation about painting, and Rinto told Mr.Gambir about Amir’s talent, showed his painting, and gave him Amir’s address.
Amir got stunned once more; feeling a massive disappointment that he had ended his friendship with Rinto, his life hero besides his mom.

When Mr. Gambir left, Amir immediately went to Rinto’s house to meet him; he wanted to thank Rinto very much. “Rinto’s not home,” answered Rinto’s wife, “He’s been in the hospital since last night.” “What happened to him?” asked Amir.
“I don’t know yet. The doctor hasn’t told me,” that was the only explanation Rinto’s wife gave.

Amir now had enough money for the living. The house was being reconstructed, even he owned a car. A month later, Amir was invited to join an exhibition by Mr. Gambir and other painters. Amir got them back: praise, applause, and money. Every visitor admired his masterpiece. His picture appeared on media. He received much more than he ever expected. He was overwhelmed by the ocean of joy.

His mom came to the exhibition, feeling proud of his son. She hugged and kissed his son with a tender love. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered. “Thanks,” Amir smiled and gave her a kiss on cheek. “I have a pathetic news for you and me,” said his mom. “What’s that?” Amir paid attention. “Rinto has passed away last night,” answered his mom. “What?!” Amir got extremely surprised. “He had been suffering cancer for 3 months,” his mom continued talking, “and his wife told me, the last word from him was ‘please tell Amir not to stop struggling. He can’t give u’.”

Tears swamped Amir’s eyes. Deep inside his heart, he prayed for Rinto. He glanced at his painting of school boys playing football in the rain; remembering past time where he and Rinto had been young boys, playing football with cheers in the heavy rain.

THE END

Don’t You Blame Him

Changes in myself, not other people but because of the nature you can never turn on for years I have been waiting for you to be able to appreciate our relationship.
All just wasted you always blame, and never consider me there. you never ever see how I love you, want you in life me. You just feel yourself that is always true,
But you are wrong you destroy all my dreams and let me fall and helpless, you love which have proved to be only a false promise and promise only.
I could not bear the pain that you gave. I could not hold back tears see you playing with my life
and now I’m trying to wipe my tears and stood on the suffering that you left for me.
The presence of other people open my world, give a smile on my face even though it seems hard to smile but I had to leave all the nightmares you.
It’s not him who has made torn us apart, it’s not him who has made my heart given up to you, and it’s not him who will steal me away from you.
There is no one to blame on you and outsider like him shouldnt be the one to take the blame, but rather the close one who is the cause of our suffering.
never cherish not treasure our relationship, never try to protect or fight our love. our love is being ruined because of you.
you are the one who put and end to our love not anyone else. don’t blame him for making our relationship fallen apart, he has just walked into our life not so long ago.
it’s actually you who have always been close the are causing more and more problems. even without him you and i would eventually have to say good bye
have to thank him for making me smile and some how get my life back one again. what you have forgotten to give me he has done it all.
it’s the respect in the person who had been beside you all along time. You should be aware as long as we together I never deceive you in this relationship and you need to remember I’m not going back again.. I have promised to my heart
and I do not let my heart be hurt by anyone.
letter to my heart being injured: “I know you are hurt to the extremest and I know no matter how hard I try I can’t erase the memories that has been engraved.
I know you’ve been hurt several times and this is not the first time that you are broken. I know it all.
But I promise you get back once. Only once. I’m not letting anybody even touch you now. I don’t believe in LOVE. Not in any kind of love.
And I want you also to stop expecting of any random unusual miracle to happen. I know you have feelings of sadness grievances, broken walls and an unexplainable feeling of wanting him! But you are a heart of a strong girl a girl with class and a lady with mind,
you can’t give up so quickly. I know things went wrong and broke you because you cared too much. But trust me; now you don’t have to feel that way. You don’t have to care too much for people who aren’t worth it. You don’t have to beg for love anymore. You just need to get fixed once and show the world that you can get through this.
You can get through all of these. Stop expecting anybody now. People who left; had to leave; if not today maybe one day. So, the sooner, the better.
Get over it and trust me I’ll make you so strong this time that it won’t be easy for anybody to break you. You’ll live but without feelings this time.”
Just get fixed once so that; the person who broke you doesn’t get the satisfaction of watching you suffer.”

Message to all my friends: You have cried enough. The relationship has been over for weeks. You’ve felt mad, sad, rejected, hurt,
shocked, lonely and everything else. You’ve cried your last tear. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that they are not the only person you can have fun with or hold hands with or laugh with or hold conversation with. The reason you can’t see it,
is because your mind is still crowded with memories of what you used to do with them. It’s time to create new memories with someone else. Put that smile on your face again and realize that when the time is right,
you will find someone who will love everything about you with no restrictions and will be committed to you and the relationship 100% !

A Girl with A Thousand Faces

Now I’m sitting on my bed, opening my laptop, taking out my task that should be done the day after tomorrow, trying to be focus but always ended up doing something else and always pretending busy when my parents entered.

Yes it’s me, sitting alone in my room, the things that I always do every day. Here in my room, is where I spend most of my times in a day. People outside never knew what I’m doing, to whom I’m texting to, to whom I’m talking to, whether I’m crying under the pillow so my voice wouldn’t be heard. Only the laughs that they hear because that’s what I always try to do.

I’m a happy girl, always show my smile. I’m a mature kid, always give advice to my brothers. I’m a yes kid, always do what my parents told me to do. I’m a countless face person, you’ll never know what kind of face that I’d be wearing. I’m a person with a fake face and laugh, you never knew right? Guess I should just start in a drama.

Keep telling me what to do, never know what I really want to do. But that’s okay since I don’t know anymore. What am I good at? What is my dream? What I want to do in the future? What’s my goal except just get what my parents wants? Am I a person or just a robot with remote control in it? Oh my brothers were all such a failure, so I have to do better, I have to be better than them.

Guess what, now you put all the burdens on me since I’m the only one left. I have to make you satisfied, right since I’m the last kid that you can put a hope into.

My parents and my brother are now fighting. Outside of my room they are screaming and swearing to each other. My father who rarely got angry is becoming so angry until he’s shivering right now. My mother who rarely cries is crying out loud.

My brother is always do the same, deny the fact that’s already written on his face. My parents have to threaten him first, threaten to get him into the jail, then he admits what he did wrong. I know it’s a damn fucking thing that happens like all the time, but this time just feels so wrong.

My parents got tired and my second brother has no respect at all to my first brother. What about me? I’m so damn tired! I keep telling myself how cruel and evil my brother is. How my brother could did those kinds of things to his own parents? How he could even think to do that? it’s his family after all, yet he ruined it to pieces easily. Really, money can change someone’s life.

I’m too tired but I have to endure it. Who else could? My parents are too tired, my brother doesn’t care anymore. If it’s not me, if it’s not me who endure and trying to keep my mouth shut from swearing at him then who else? If I can’t control what my face look a like then who else? The hatred, anger and sadness already written all around. If I do the same, will this family last longer?

Of course I’m not the worst. No I’m not. My parent’s burdens are much heavier than me. It’s their kid after all. No one in this world could even dream about having a kid like my brother. Did you ever hear about a wish from your mother’s mouth that if killing her own son is not a sin, she would have already killed him?

Did you ever feel that your heart torn into dust when you heard that? You should thank God if you haven’t and I hope that you will ever not. And then what should my reaction be? I should get shocked, right? Should I roar? Should I try to stop her? But all I can do is just keep silent and pat my mother’s shoulder, telling her.

“it’s okay. Everything’s gonna be alright. Just keep patient, Mom”

Well, what a lie. I keep pretending that I’m okay with all of this. That I still can be patient and comfort everyone when everyone’s anger already at the top. Again, I change my face. What a actor I am!

A girl with a thousand faces, yes, it’s me. If you meet me, maybe my face will be different again. Because I have so many faces to show to you, it depends on what kind of person that I’m facing.

A girl with a thousand faces, yes, it’s me who writing this story now. If you meet me, I would probably show my best smile, because that’s what people expect from me. I’m a person that only does what people told me to do, remember?
A girl with a thousand faces. it’s none other than me.

Miss Forgetful

I have a best friend. We are like sister. Her name is Luna. Luna has a young sister, her name is Dian. Luna is a beautiful girl. She also has slim and tall body. But, Luna is easy to forget something or someone. Dian is a big girl and she has tall body too. And I have thin body, maybe. I like Dian, because Dian is funny. I asked Luna to invite her young sister if we met. We agreed that we would meet in the City Park. The City Park had many flowers and trees which make us fresh if we were there.

I came to the Park when Luna was phoning with panic face via her hand phone.
“Hey chick, what’s up?” I was walking toward her. “Luna, where is Dian?” I added.
“Dian? OMG! Hey, Dian had lost!” she cried out.
“Are you crazy?” I said.
“I forgot. I left her. No.. no.. I guess she followed me.” She started to cry.
“Do you know? Dian don’t know this way.” I started to be angry. Luna really cried loudly. “Well, let’s find her!” I tried to make her stay calm.

Luna and I looked for Dian. I felt very mistake. I didn’t know why I felt it. In the clear, I had this plan inviting Dian to this Park. So, I was fear because Luna said that her father is a ‘killer man’. Okay, but I had to responsible it.

“Dian.. where are you?” Luna and I cried out. But, nothing noise.

I looked at all the Park but there was not Dian. Luna tried to ask all person who through in the Park, but they didn’t see Dian.
“Luna, why don’t you phone your mother? But please, don’t call your father, ok?” I worried if Luna’s father knew that Dian had lost, he will forbidden me to hang out with Luna and her sister.
“You are right! That is good idea.” Luna smiled.
Luna tried to call her mother. But, nothing answered. Luna felt shock and started to cried again.
“Ririn.. I don’t know what should I do! I guess my father will kill me.” She cried out again and made the people around us started to look at curiously.

Suddenly, someone was coming to us.
“Luna? What happened?” said old woman who came to us just now.
“Mrs. Sastro? What are you doing here?” said Luna.
“I will go to the Market. Why are you so sad?” said Mrs. Sastro curiously. She is Luna’s neighbor.
“Oh… I feel sad because Dian had lost!”
“What? Are you joking, Luna?” said Mrs. Sastro peculiarly.
“I am serious!” Now all people really come to us.

“Dian is in my house, she is playing with my daughter.” Mrs. Sastro explained to us. “In the morning, you accompanied Dian to my house, right Luna?” She added.
“Oh My God! Right! You are right Mrs. Sastro! Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry… I forgot!” Luna was shame.
“Huuu!!!” cried out the people while laugh Luna.
“Luna… Luna… you are Miss forgetful!” Cried out me.
Luna just say, “peace my pal.”

Rains

Rains 1
From her eyes
That’s just another day in the September. The rain still falls in her town. But, she didn’t really care. She let the rain wet her body. She didn’t use umbrella or even jacket. She didn’t know where she went. She just felt too tired and tried to forget everything although just for a while. And she knew, this place is the best place.

She just walks in the middle of rain. Everybody that she passed was bringing umbrella. But, she didn’t. The road was quiet. Some couple was standing under the tree. And, she saw the boy. He walked in the rain with that girl. He gripped her hand and she holds an umbrella for them. Actually she felt hurt, but, inside of her heart that’s still another wound. There is no use to go back to her house. She thought that her parents were still fighting, her brother not at home, and other siblings in her grandmother’s house. Yes. Maybe, her parents would divorce. And her father would marry that woman. That evil woman. Her mother would cry. And, how about her siblings? Ray should old enough to accept the fact. But, how about Rosie, and Ezra? They just eleven years old and six years old.

She walked for some steps. The rains didn’t stop. She didn’t know why that her friend, Adriel really love rain. He said that rains one of the best things in the world. Nonsense. And where in the world was the smart guy? Where? He was in the school, preparing himself for Olympiad. Well, she didn’t important enough. He didn’t here when she need him. He didn’t here when she needed someone to talk.

She raised her head. The boy and that girl now walked together near the tree. Yes. Blaise and Eve, one of the worst pairing in the school, she thought sarcastically. They were standing together under the tree. They looked very happy. She smiled sarcastically. How can he laugh with that girl while she was hurt here? Her head felt headache. She didn’t know why. Maybe because standing under the rain. She though. But, was that still rain? She touched her cheeks. That’s wet. So, the rain was still fall, huh. Or, that’s her tears? She didn’t know.

“Don’t walk in the rain. You will get sick.”

She raised her head. She saw Dean brought umbrella for her. He was smiling. Then, he took a tissue from his pocket. He wipes her tears away.
“Tell me, Eli, what are your problems?” asked him. Huh, so the rain can’t deceive him.
She shook her head. “No,” she said. But the tears now fall from her eyes. She was crying. Then, he griped her hand.
“Tell me, Eli, what’s your problem? Maybe I can help you,” he said.
“N-no…” she answered. She tried to run away from him. No, she didn’t need anybody. Yes, not Dean, nor Adriel, nor Blaise. She fells headache one more time. But, she tried to forget that.
“Eli… Elizabeth, wait” she knew that Dean were trying to chase after her. She didn’t need him. She just needs to be alone. Her head fell headache again. But, then she didn’t hear anything. Everything just vanished from her eyes. And the rain still falls, also her.

Rain 2
From his eyes
Today the rain still falls in his town. Well, in the September is the rainy season. And he already knew that. So, he brought an umbrella and a jacket. He drove his motorcycle. He decided to go to Adriel’s house, so he could finish his homework with him. The rain becomes swifter. Well, Adriel’s house was getting near. But, then, his eyes captured at a girl. He looked at her. Elizabeth. She was one of the cutest girls in his school. But, what the hell is she doing in the middle of rain like that? She didn’t even wear an umbrella. Or jacket. She could get sick if she walked in the middle of rain like that.

Quickly, he stopped his motorcycle on The Park. He opened his umbrella and run away after her.
“Eli,” he called her.
But, she didn’t even look at him. Maybe, she couldn’t hear him. He grabbed her hand and raised his umbrella so that they can share it.
“Don’t walk in the rain. You will get sick.” He said and smiled at her. She raised her head and looked at him. Was that rain, or tears in her cheek?

He was astounding. Her eyes were red, maybe she was crying a moment ago. He groped his pocket and found a tissue. He wiped her tears away. He can’t saw a girl cry like that.
“Tell me Eli, what are you problem?” Asked him.
“No,” she answered. But he knew that she was lying. Elizabeth wasn’t a good liar. The tears fell again from her eyes. He gripped he hand.
“Tell me, Eli, what’s your problem? Maybe I can help you,” he said. She began to cry again.
“No… nothing…” she answered stammered. She abdicated her hand away from him. And she tried to run.
“Eli… Elizabeth, wait!” he ran after her. She looked dizzy, and she even almost unconscious. And, he could chase her before she fell down.
He touched her forehead. Really hot. “She got fever” he told himself. He takes down his jacket and wore that to her body. Then, he carried her on his back. The rains still fall and become swifter.
“Hold on, Elizabeth,” he said.

Rains 3
From their eyes.
She opened her eyes. That’s not her room. At least she won’t put pictures of Einstein in her room.
“Where am I?” she asked.
“In my house, actually,” answered Adriel. “What’s wrong with you Eli?” he asked.
She didn’t say any word.
“Drink this,” a woman entered the room. She knew her. She is Adriel’s sister, Regina. She brought a cup of tea.
She drank the tea. “Thank you, but I must go home now,” she said.
“No!” Dean shouted. “Call your parents. Let them pick you there,” he said.

When she heard words “parent” she began to cry.
“What’s wrong Eliza?” Asked Regina.
“My parents… hiks… hiks…” she sobbed. Regina hug her.
“They want to divorce,” she cried.
Both of Adriel and Dean keep silent.

“I see, but that’s not a reason for walk in the rain like that,” said Dean.
“What?”
He rubbed her cheek. “But, they will still worry, Eliza. And what about your little brothers and sister? They will be worried if you’re sick,” he said.
She shook her head. “No! Let me sick so that my father satisfied,” she answered bitterly.
“That’s not a solution!” said Adriel.
Regina rubbed her head. “Dear Eliza, go back to your house. Keep pray for your parents, dear.” She parted the curtain. The rain has already abated.
“Look, that’s a rainbow. Even after a heavy rain, there still a rainbow. So that your problem. There still a solution,” said Regina.
Eliza hugged her. “Thank you, big sister.”
“Do you wanna hug us too?” Adriel asked.
“No, Iel. Not even in your dream,” she said.
“Well, let me escort you then,” said Dean.

So Dean escorted her to her house.

“Thanks,” she said.
“Well, that’s a friend for,” said Dean. “But, I want you more than friend,” he said in his heart.
“Look!” Elizabeth pointed at the sky.
“What?” he asked.
“A Rainbow. I believe there’s still a solution to my problems,” she said.
“That’s good, Eliza. Good bye,” he turned away, want to go.
“Wait!”
“Yes, Eli?”
She hug him. “Thank you for everything Dean. What can I do?” she asked.
“Well, after your problem is clear, meet me in The garden,” he smiled.
“It’s a date?”
“Well, what you think?”